I am an intense worrier.
I feel this is something you should know about me, even though I have never actually shared this with anyone.
However, I may not be an intense worrier at all, just a regular worrier like everyone else. Maybe everyone hides their worries just as much as I do.
An example: during term time, I have a guitar lesson every Friday in school. I love my guitar lessons, I really do, I love playing the guitar and I love my teacher a lot as he’s been my teacher for eight years now. The actual lesson is great but everything else constantly fills me with worry. I worry about carrying my guitar onto the bus in the morning, and if I’ll end up making a fool of myself. I worry about having to put my guitar in the music room when I get to school whilst trying not to be late for assembly. I worry about having to leave a lesson, asking to leave makes me anxious and I think about that all day. I worry about having to pick up my guitar at the end of the day and having to run to catch the bus. That’s just a few of the worries, to be honest. These worries tend to consume me, I think about it a long time before. If I’m having a good time or something, I think to myself ‘make the most of it as soon it will be Friday.’
That’s just one example.
It’s pathetic, I know it is. If I could help it, these things would hardly cross my mind.
But perhaps that’s what everyone feels like.
Would you believe it, I’m worrying right now. I’m worrying over big things which will probably never happen, big things which will inevitably happen (which could be the worst, as I have no control over them) and many, many trivial things which, in the grand scheme of things, do not matter at all. However, my brain does not care about that, and the same horrible worries and thoughts continue to circulate, every second of every day.
But it’s okay.
Perhaps everyone else feels exactly the same as me.